Navigating Christmas With Neurodivergent Children

If your child is autistic, has ADHD, sensory differences, you think they might be neurodivergent, or you simply know they find change hard, Christmas can feel… a lot. Loud. Bright. Busy. Sticky. Sparkly. Exhausting.

You’re surrounded by “perfect” Instagram Christmases, but behind the scenes you might be juggling meltdowns, sleepless nights, very specific or sensory-based eating, and well-meaning relatives who don’t quite get it.

This blog is here to say: you’re not doing Christmas “wrong”. Your child’s brain is not wrong. And you absolutely have permission to do Christmas in the way that feels safest and kindest for them – even if that looks very different to everyone else.

At Kids Planet, our SEND and neurodiversity expertise sits at the heart of how we support families. This blog draws on that experience, alongside a brilliant festive support guide created by early years neurodiversity trainer Cheryl Warren (Aperion Training) and advice from leading autism and SEND organisations. We’ve pulled it all together so you have one calm, reassuring place to start 💛

Why Christmas can feel overwhelming for neurodivergent children

For many neurodivergent children, Christmas isn’t just “a bit exciting”. It’s a full-on sensory and social overload:

• Routines vanish
• Decorations suddenly appear everywhere
• Lights flash, music blares, smells change
• People visit, hugs are expected, rules feel different

When you rely on predictability to feel safe, things like a tree suddenly appearing inside the living room, unfamiliar food, itchy Christmas jumpers and a stranger in a red suit coming into your house can feel genuinely frightening – not “fun scary”, just scary.

So if your child becomes more fixed on routines, more anxious, wants to stay very close to you, has more big reactions or seems more withdrawn in December, it’s not “bad behaviour”. It’s communication: “This is too much.”

Understanding that gives you a powerful starting point: rather than trying to change your child, you can start changing Christmas.

Take the pressure off: your Christmas, your rules

Let go of the “perfect” Christmas

Christmas seems to start earlier every year. By late October you’re already being told what you should be doing, wearing, buying, baking and posting.

Here’s your gentle reminder:

Your Christmas, your way, is the perfect Christmas.

If having a calmer day with fewer people, no matching pyjamas and oven chips instead of hand-cut roasties means your child is regulated and everyone gets to breathe, that is not “less than”. That’s responsive, thoughtful parenting.

Give yourself permission to say no

You are allowed to say:

• “No, we won’t be able to stay over.”
• “No, we’re not coming for Christmas lunch this year.”
• “No, we’ll leave before it gets loud and late.”
• “No, we can’t do three parties in one weekend.”

This isn’t you being difficult. It’s you protecting your child’s nervous system – and your own.

If you can, let friends and family know your boundaries in advance. For example:

“We’re keeping Christmas really low-key this year to support [child’s name]. We might need to leave early / take breaks / stick to our usual food. Thanks for understanding.”

If someone pushes back, that’s their discomfort – not a sign you’re doing the wrong thing.

Plan ahead – and plan with your child

Planning ahead is one of the kindest things you can do for a neurodivergent child at Christmas. Once you have a rough idea of what December will look like, share that plan in a way they can actually see.

Make changes visible

Instead of secretly decorating overnight for a big “Ta-da!”, try:

• Putting decorations up gradually over a few days
• Letting your child help decide where things go (or which rooms stay undecorated)
• Showing photos of last year’s tree or lights to remind them what it might look like

For some children, coming home to a completely transformed house is less “magical” and more “my safe place just changed without warning”.

Use calendars, visuals and social stories

Many children find it easier to cope when they can see what’s coming next. Visual timetables and simple “social stories” about Christmas can really help. You could:

• Print a simple calendar for December and draw in key things: “nursery party”, “visit Grandma”, “stay-at-home day”
• Create a little photo story showing “house with no tree → choosing / putting up tree → house with tree”
• Use photos of people who’ll be visiting so your child can look at them beforehand

Keep language clear, concrete and honest. “It might be noisy. If it feels too much, we can go to the quiet room / come home.”

Enlist wider family as allies

Share your plan and your child’s needs with close relatives:

“Loud crackers and surprise visits are hard for them. Could we skip crackers this year and send a quick message before you come?”

Most people want to help – they just need clear, kind guidance.

Christmas Eve and Christmas morning: keep it simple

Father Christmas, but make it feel safe

Matching pyjamas photos on Christmas Eve look cute online, but if your child refuses to join in or can’t tolerate new clothes, it’s honestly fine. There are a million other ways to make memories.

The Father Christmas story can also be unsettling:

• “A stranger comes into my house while I sleep.”
• “He might come into my bedroom.”

Talk together about what feels safe. For example:

• “Father Christmas leaves the presents in the living room and never goes upstairs.”
• “Elves deliver the gifts to the doorstep and the grown-ups bring them in.”

You’re allowed to tweak the story so your child’s sense of safety comes first.

Slow and steady with presents

Christmas morning can be a sensory explosion: rustling paper, people talking loudly, new toys everywhere. A slower approach can really help:

• Offer two or three presents at a time
• Let your child fully open, explore and play before moving on
• Keep packaging and labels out of the way to reduce visual clutter

For some children, fewer presents and more time with each one is far more joyful than a big pile all at once.

Designing a calmer Christmas Day

Look after your own nervous system

You matter in this too! When you’re overwhelmed, it’s much harder to co-regulate a distressed child.

Ask yourself:

• Who is in my support network on the day?
• What can we do in advance (prep food, simplify plans) so I’m not running on fumes by 10am?
• Where can I build in even tiny pauses – a hot drink, a shower, a short walk?

It’s not selfish; it’s strategic. A calmer you really does mean a calmer day for your child.

Prepare your child – and your hosts

If you’re going somewhere else:

• Show photos of the house and the people who’ll be there
• Talk through what will probably happen, step by step
• Agree a signal your child can use if they need a break or want to leave

It’s also worth speaking to your hosts ahead of time about:

• Having a quiet space your child can retreat to
• Keeping music low or off during certain times
• Being relaxed if your child doesn’t hug, kiss or join group games

If someone can’t accept your child’s needs after you’ve explained them… that’s useful information for next year’s guest list.

Plan calm breaks and outdoor time

Movement and fresh air are powerful regulators for many children.

At Kids Planet, we see every day how outdoor play, forest gardens and our Udeskole-inspired learning help children reset when the indoors feels busy or noisy. A simple walk to look at lights, crunch frosty leaves or spot birds can cut through the intensity of the day and give everyone a breather.

Food, mealtimes and sensory needs

Traditional Christmas dinner can be a sensory challenge on a plate: strong smells, unfamiliar textures, sauces touching, crunchy bits, soft bits, and everyone watching.

Some neurodivergent children often have very specific “safe foods” and may find sudden changes to mealtimes overwhelming. It is completely okay if:

• They eat their usual pasta / nuggets / toast instead of roast dinner
• They eat at their normal time rather than a late, three-course lunch
• They prefer to sit at a smaller table, or in another room, or dip in and out

Taking the pressure off – no “just one bite for Grandma!” – can make the whole day feel safer for your child and calmer for you.

You’re not “giving in”. You’re choosing connection and regulation over battles no one needs on Christmas Day.

Nativities, concerts and nursery events

You might have imagined your child as Mary, Joseph or the star of the show. In reality, being in a crowded hall, under bright lights, in a costume, with everyone watching, can be a huge ask for any child.

Some children are happiest:

• Being a tree at the back
• Singing from the side with a trusted adult
• Taking part in rehearsals but not the final performance
• Or skipping the event entirely and watching a video later at home

At Kids Planet, our colleagues work closely with parents and carers to make sure children can join in in ways that feel safe – whether that’s adapting roles, offering sensory supports, or creating alternative ways to celebrate, like small-group singing outdoors or a quiet story time. Our SEND support and strong parent partnerships mean you’re never trying to figure this out alone.

If you’re worried, talk to your child’s key person or SENDCo early. Together, you can design a plan that honours your child’s needs and your feelings as a parent.

Removing stressors: less can really be more

In essence, remove as many stressors as you realistically can.

Stressors might be:

• Sensory (lights, noise, scratchy clothes)
• Social (visitors, parties, expectations to hug)
• Routine-based (late nights, travel, different mealtimes)
• Emotional (your own pressure to make it “perfect”)

You don’t have to fix everything. Just noticing and softening a few key stress points can massively reduce overwhelm and dysregulation.

If that means closing the door on the world, staying in pyjamas, watching the same film three times and eating their favourite “beige foods” on Christmas Day? That’s not failing. That’s responsive, attuned parenting.

You truly do have permission to do it your way.

How we support neurodivergent children at Kids Planet

Across Kids Planet nurseries and pre-schools, we’re passionate about being genuinely neurodiversity-affirming. That means we focus on understanding each child’s unique way of communicating, playing and processing the world – and then shaping the environment around them.

In practice, that might look like:

• Consistent routines, visual timetables and gentle preparation for changes
• Quiet, cosy spaces where children can retreat when things feel “too much”
• Sensory-aware approaches to lighting, sound, seating and resources
• Loose parts play and outdoor learning that allow children to move, explore and regulate in their own way
• Strong SEND support and close collaboration with families, health professionals and local services
• Nutritious meals with flexible alternatives for children with sensory or dietary needs
• Helping you navigate funded childcare options so your child can access early years education and care that truly “gets” them

We know that raising a neurodivergent child can feel lonely at times – especially around Christmas. You’re always welcome to talk to your child’s key person about what’s coming up and how we can help make it easier.

Further support and resources

If you’d like more ideas – or just to know you’re not the only one finding Christmas tricky – these organisations and resources offer helpful guidance and support:

• National Autistic Society – Practical tips and explanations on why Christmas can be hard for autistic people, plus ideas for planning ahead and reducing stress.
• NHS – Information on getting support as a family when you’re caring for an autistic or neurodivergent child, including emotional and mental health support for parents and carers.
• Contact – The charity for families with disabled children, offering a free helpline, Listening Ear emotional support calls and blogs with seasonal tips.
• Aperion Training – “Supporting Parents of Neurodivergent Children to Navigate Christmas” – The original festive guide by early years neurodiversity trainer Cheryl Warren, which has helped inform this blog. You can signpost families to her website for the full workbook and further resources.

Support for your child

If Christmas is already feeling heavy on your shoulders, please know you’re not the only one – and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. 💛

If your child attends Kids Planet (or you’re thinking about joining us), speak to your local nursery about how we can support your neurodivergent child through the festive season and beyond. We’ll listen, we’ll plan with you, and we’ll work together so your little one can feel as safe, understood and joyful as possible – at Christmas and every other day of the year.

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