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Separation anxiety and worry or fear about being with people who are not their parent or main caregiver is very common in young children, and can often start from the age of around six months, according to the NHS. As young children become more aware of their surroundings and the people they interact with, they can start to feel a little unsafe or upset with new people, even if a very familiar parent, family member or carer is there too.
No one likes to see their child upset, so separation anxiety in young children can be really hard on parents and carers too.
In this guide, we’ve included some insights on dealing with separation anxiety, including how it can present and how you can best support a young child experiencing this.
Essentially, separation anxiety in children is when they have an intense emotional response to being separated from a caregiver. This could be a very brief separation, such as being passed from a caregiver to someone different to hold for a few moments. Or it could be when a caregiver leaves the room, as well as in situations where the separation might be longer, such as when a child starts attending nursery.
There can be several contributing factors to separation anxiety in young children, but it is also completely normal and a stage in their development that most little ones will experience at some point or another.
In most cases, little ones who experience separation anxiety are fearful that their parent or carer, who makes them feel safe and secure, isn’t there for a period of time, so they feel unsafe and worried.
It’s important to note that children who experience separation anxiety are not doing it because they have been ‘spoiled’ by parents or caregivers, it just means that they might need some support in dealing with environments and situations they are uncertain about.
Every child is unique, so not every little one will display the same presentation of anxiety about separation from a caregiver, but some common signs can include:
It’s important to note that some of the above can also be signs of other things that are going on with the child, not necessarily always separation anxiety. If you have concerns about your child and how they are dealing with anxiety, you can speak to your health visitor or another medical professional for some tailored support.
Parents and caregivers can absolutely experience anxiety when separated from their child, especially if spending time apart is new. This anxiety for parents can be made even more challenging to deal with if the child is also worried about separation and gets very upset when being left somewhere.
Leaving a child in the care of others, even very temporarily, can cause high levels of distress and worry in some parents and carers, too. Some parents feel very guilty when spending time away from their child, but it can be comforting to know that helping your child to cope when you are not with them is essential to their development and will help them become more independent and resilient.
Any parents or carers experiencing extreme anxiety about separation from their little one over a sustained period of time, such as several weeks or more, should seek professional advice and support from their GP.
While many children will naturally start to feel less anxious about being separated from a caregiver as they get a little older, for some children, starting nursery can be quite a challenging time for them in this area.
It’s not unusual for children starting nursery, whether as a baby, toddler or pre-schooler, to experience some panic and worry at first, especially if they are not used to spending regular time away from their parent or caregiver.
The good news is that most little ones do quickly become accustomed to their new environment, the other children and the team looking after them, so while there might be a few minutes of anxiety at the start of the session, it often only lasts a few minutes and then the child is happily playing as if they were never upset.
As young children start to understand that you’re coming back for them at the end of their nursery session, it tends to become much easier for them to deal with the moment you leave, if they even notice it at all once they settle in.
If you’re preparing for your child to start attending nursery or another childcare setting and you’re worried about potential separation anxiety, we hope that our tips below will help you to navigate this transition.
As every child is different, it’s about finding what works best for your individual situation to give your little one the support they need to thrive when you’re not there as well as when you are.
Many children who find being left a bit challenging can quickly get more accustomed to it if the separations are built up gradually from a few seconds to a few minutes, and then for longer periods as they start to get more confident when they can’t see you or hear you.
Leaving your child with someone they are already familiar with in a place they know can also be a good way to start, before working towards longer separations and in new environments.
Some children get lots of reassurance from having a favourite toy, item of clothing or blanket with them in everyday life, so having it with them when separated from you can also help them to feel comforted.
If you haven’t yet started at nursery, doing the journey a few times with your little one can help them get accustomed to the route and outside of the building. Talking positively about where you are travelling to can also help with preparation for the first time you go inside together.
It’s very normal for parents and caregivers to feel emotional when leaving your child at nursery for the first few times, but trying to keep the goodbye short and sweet can really help to reassure if your little one is uncertain. Smiling and waving goodbye happily can be a challenge, but this helps to keep the moment that you leave a positive one for your child and stops them from picking up on any negative feelings.
It’s absolutely natural and common for there to be some tears shed (often on both sides) when first leaving your little one at nursery. It’s very normal for your child to feel sadness when being separated at first, but usually, within a few minutes of you leaving, they are happy to get on with their day. If your child is a little older, such as pre-school age, you can talk to them about their feelings about what is happening, tell them where you are going and when you’re coming back.
At Kids Planet, we totally understand that some child find the transition to nursery quite challenging, which is why we have a phased approach to help everyone become accustomed to the new environment and the team.
Each of our settings has its own way of tailoring this to individual children and their needs, but in general, it usually involves a parent or carer staying with the child at nursery for a period of time during one or more short sessions. This will then progress to leaving them once the little one feels more secure there.
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